What Really Lies Behind a College Student When you stare out the window you usually see trees, flowers, people walking on the sidewalk, and kids playing ball. That wasn’t the case for me; all I see were tomb stones passing by, dark skies, and the rain drops flowing down the car window. The cold wind is sneaking in from the cracks of the car door. All I could think about was today is my mother’s funeral and nothing else. When I got out of the car, my body immediately froze to the rain hitting my arms and legs.
It’s mid-afternoon and I’m standing here in front of my mother’s tomb stone reading over and over again “Here lies Katherine Renee Wilson, A Loving Mother 1926-1969” trying to get it in my head that she is no longer here. All of my family is gathered around and the pastor is reading passages from the bible. I try to pay attention, but I can’t stop thinking about all the time I have spent with my mother. She wasn’t just my mother or care giver, she was my best friend, and I will never forget her.
My name is Kourtney Wilson, I am now a freshman in college, and it’s been three years since my mother’s funeral. I can honestly say it’s been the hardest three years I’ve ever lived. It hasn’t been any easier on my father or brothers either. My father has struggled with working long hours and putting my brothers through college. Now that I am a freshman I already know it’s going to be a difficult year. My brothers, Matthew and James, on the other hand have their own problems to deal with other than just school. After my mother died they went off their own path and abused themselves with drugs and alcohol.
My brothers and I all attend the same college, San Francisco State University, I figured that it would be smart to be where my brothers were; that way I could stay close to them and possibly try and help them get off their addictions. When I got to the University I was really nervous that it was going to be complicated to find friends, but luckily that wasn’t the case. I immediately became friends with my three roommates – Olivia, Rachael, and Savannah. When classes started, school seemed like it was going to be impossible to focus and do all this work. Dealing with my brothers to keep them focused and not et into trouble was hard enough, but then I had my own school work and life to worry about as well. I was really starting to miss my father when a month went by; I didn’t get to talk to him much. When it got close to the holidays and my family was all together again, I really missed my mother the most. It is never the same without her. I always wonder what it would be like if she hadn’t died. Would my life be any different? Would anything have changed if she was still alive? I feel like everything would be so different; I wouldn’t have to worry for my brothers or my father when I’m away at school.
When second semester started back at school and we all had new people to meet and classes to experience, I was finally feeling some comfort ability with myself again. I thank my friends, Savannah and Olivia for getting me back on track with school. For the longest time it was almost impossible to stay on top of things. With my father struggling at home with work and dealing with my brothers on a daily basis; keeping them out of trouble and in school. After a few months past and we were all getting ready for the end of the school year, my brothers had decided that they would both stop drinking and using drugs.
When I heard them both say those words, I can remember feeling of relevance come off my shoulders. It was hard to believe that my first year of college was almost over with, but life at the time seemed like it was actually getting better. I had never thought I would ever be as happy as I was before, but I knew that my mother wouldn’t have wanted me to be sad my whole life. With the help of my friends and focusing on school, it really helped me get back to the Kourtney everyone knew before my mother’s death.